-The Narrator-

There are a lot of written stories. Some are made known, some are untold.

As for mine, it is esoteric and inscrutable. Everyone wanted a perfect ending, but yet I understand that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories are not clear-cut, with unmarred beginning and ending. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. My eyes are blearily clouded by the unfamiliarity, not knowing what is up forth, not knowing when the ending chapter will unfold. Those times of depression tell you that it’s either time to get out of the story your in and move into a new story, or that you’re in the right story but there’s some piece of it you are not living out. I have chosen mine, without discontentment, without wavering and lastly, without looking back. Clearly within me, my soul is bounded with it and it seems like a familiarity of fondness I tasted before. I know the sentences will never be complete without the significant one and it will only be an abysmal performance without him.

As life goes on, I understand that stories are not made out of Fantasies, where there are elves, trolls, magic and dragons. As I walk on, I stumble upon Poetries and it is not all about daffodils, starry-eyed or navel contemplation. The road may it be taken or take by me is less traveled, but I will write my own story even though the little green men will barricade my way.

panda

When his soul first came to me

He showed me the beauty of fantasies

He is my life, my destiny

Living with his soul is nothing else but everything

How can I ever find a replacement if he leaves

How beautiful the shining light if the sunrise

And the amazing shadows of the sunset

Angel as he gazes into my eyes, the reflection I see

In his eyes its shows me the softness he has for me

How can he live in obliging me?

When insanity has overruled me

The brightness of this world will be overshadowed

By the darkness if my shredded tears

That will overflow the entire land of paradise

Realizing that it will cost a price

I need sunshine in my day

Something to wash away the pain

I saw a very gentle side of him

That took my heart and made it sing

I wish he’d run away and hide with me

Love is so much more than it seems

There is one thing I didn’t show

I love him more than my soul

I wonder if I’ll ever see the day

Will I ever find the nerve to say I love him?

And will he turn around, walk away, will he leave or will he stay

Could he be the one charmed by me?

If I tell him

a poem by Natasha Hudson

-It's been awhile-

it's been awhile..
awhile since i share my thoughts with you, within this space, my soul.. about the veracities of what lies beneath this mortal.. within a clandestine, which only speaks to the one who fathoms..

i'm back to my room, sniffing my bed all over..looking at the placement of every single little thing, somehow make me feel i'm back to my confinement, my sanctuary. the smell of April, the little spaces, the tousle of belongings and etc.. it seems that i've peregrinated, till i lost these lil feelings.
de facto, i'm not in a good state these few days and i'm showing signs of migraine again. maybe there are too many extraneous stuffs in my diminutive brain. i hate all these in me, the emotional collapse really lead me to a nervous exhaustion..am i such a fiasco? who is nothing but a devastation. dear soul, be my quarterback, for a game which i lost all the senses of mine.

i really wanted to share the happenings of mine, but i seem to be tight-lipped. i am condemned with ruthfulness but not wrathfulness and i've been such a tear-jerk lately.
i watched JUNO the other day, storyline was simple but yet, i like the movie. Ellen's acting was pretty good for a new comer. the character she portrayed, reflected me in a lot of things. i would really like to reflect myself through the mirror in every deed of mine. the play-act through the journey of my life was never about me, the protagonist was never mine to lead. but yet, when he asked me a question that day, 'from scale of 1-10, how 'cham' i am?'.. i told him, 'Zero'. i will keep the reason to myself.
well, i was with him the past few days. and we went for karaoke session yesterday with daniel and elaine, since i've finished my paper. we were butchering the songs towards the end. ahaks..

A little something to share...
all the pics are random..

A beautiful gift that i treasure and something that SHE deserves. Despite the mishaps of the night, i am still proud of her and she is more than what she is. I am dishearten enough, and so does SHE. the soul within, please show your audacity and stand strong with me. i know you will never let me down and stray.

the lanterns at Tean Hou temple. i went there for Fatman steamboat. i crave for junkies all the time, especially lok lok. mmmm.. My pride aka Mumzy and me

-Picture Courtesy of Nicole-

Nicole and me

the HELP gang, the HOT bitches. i was pretty tipsy that day and thanks to Meng for that. oh yea, i think i did talked to yan as well. do i? hmmzzz..
CJ, lotsa coincident and he was pretty cool. all this while, we're classmates and we do sit next to one another. and my beloved (behind), butchering all the songs that was on the list.
this picture is kinda random and i sorta lyk it.

i am sorta 'bei' and being an echoic, mimicking zy's mom. i am fine being in stage-play.. that night, i really gulped tonnes of liquors. surprisingly, my alcohol tolerance was kinda topsy.

me took it early in the morn at his place, the dawn, where the daylight begins. thanks to you, now i am having a poker fever. the anxiety arousing within. slowly, its gonna be a poker-malady for me.

this all for this time..
alot more for me to update but the night is getting weary.

-Forsaken Days-

i am pretty busy last 2 weeks.. perhaps i am engaging myself in too much activities.. endless of soireeS, catch-upS, munchieS, drop-byS, alcoholS n yada yadaS..
i will upload de photos soon.. and de hapS..

well, Happy CNY.. *tardily* =)
may it be a great year fer everyone, in all de aspects.. venturing business, health, luck, relationship and etc.. oh yea, for de bettors and gamblers, may all wealth pourin in to you..
i am still on holz.. *unofficially..
i'm havin a junkie-ingestion durin CNY, especially durin house visitin.. i reli need to cut down a lil.. mom and de few ones are worried bout my health.. yes, a weakling i am, but ain't puny..
V day was great.. i'm not gonna say anythin much.. me will post it de next time..

for today, i went back to coll..
as usual, Starbucks fer breakfast.. *the extra shot of expresso reli gave me an adrenaline rush..
he came, den lydia n followed by Marky.. we were playing Bluff.. it was damn farny.. we're all humbuggers, fooling one another.. blardy hell, how many cards were there in de deck of cards we took out today.. after dat, we went fer Cyber-Chickay at HP building..
i think i saw BKB, but i hope he GRASP it.. sorry for all de letdownS..
might be havin drinkin session n B.Ball.. well, it depends.. ok,move on...
i'm kinda addicted to my new playlist, me added a few:

Band of Horses, Buckcherry, City and Colour, Five Time August, Sunfall Festival, Kate Voegele, KT Tunstall, Leona Lewis, Lit, Lustral, Matt Wertz, Pixies, Push Play, Renee Cassar, Slightly Stoopid, Sunblock, Taylor Swift, The Maine, The Scene Aesthetic, Vampire Weekend n more.. *just to name a few

i'm wrappin it up with these lil words

Music is my only hope
My refuge
My Asylum
My salvation
My best way to cope
Music tranquilize my soul
Music lifts me
Music doesn't pretend
Music whisper to my soul
And it tickle my soul
Dancing with the notes and the melodious tune
There I sway, there I prance
Straight out of the canard
Out of the fiction-hood

-nighty nights-

-One Fine Day-

good day!
i woke up kinda late today..
i went to Parkson with mumzy to stock up junkies n drinkos fer CNY..
and i had my dinner at Vietnamese kitchen, and i ordered a French cuisine.. it was ok and i am glad dat i did spend some quality time with her..
this is wat i've ordered..

it was kinda tiring stockin up those thingy and loading it.. my backbone still aches..
came home, rest fer awhile.. helped mom out with chores.. an AI session.. n bloggin now =)
well, i deleted my music album..
and now, i am sorta listening to these few :

Kate Nash
Quiet Riot
Sunblock
Feist
Shayne Ward (surprisingly, he did a good job with his new album)
Bic Runga (as usual)
The Wallflowers
Lost Prophets
Hillsong
& those O.T.F

few things are juggling in my mind now..
well, when it comes to future, there are 3 kinds of people.. hence, those who let it happen, those who make it happen and those who wonder what happened.. where do i fit then? i am always heedless..
the society nowadays is under de burden of juvenile folly and ignorant superstition.. newspaper is full of fanciful make-ups n all are adopted ones frm those humbugIES.. so SICK of it..
somebody told me, you have to love what you do, but that's not necessarily true.. what is true is dat you have to love the opportunity..the opportunity to build life, future, health, success n fortune. knockin on someone's door may not be something you love to do, but you love de opportunity of what might be behind that door.. but yet, in life.. how many times de odds are provided and chances fer u to venture..

Of course my moods change, but de average is serenity. i have a firm faith in art, a firm confidence in its being a powerful stream which carries a man to a harbour, though he himself must do his bit too and at all events, i think it such a great blessing when a man has found his work that i cannot count myself among the unfortunate.. i mean, i may be in certain relatively great difficulties, and there may be gloomy days in my life, but i shouldn't like to be counted among the unfortunate, nor would it be correct if i were..

-sleep tight-

see u tomorrow, pan..