-Solace-

i know i am complicated and heavy to handle.. i want u to know dat, i will change.. willingly.. thou i'm full of whining and grouching within me bout de care u show... but u always giving me de best out of u.. anything within ur might to keep me secure with u.. de love u had fer me tamed de wild spirit in me.. for it was not into my ear u whispered, but into my heart...it was not my lips you kissed darling.. but de soul in me.. i promise u baybee, i will always love u fer who u are and never gonna change u..
in life noisiest hour, de whispers, still de ceaseless of u.. being my heart's self-solace and soliloquy.. for now, mylife evolves around u.. with u moulding my hopes and fashion me within.. lying in all my many thoughts.. thinking to myself again, how oft in life i am blessed with sucha saccharine.. and baybee, i alwiz have high hopes on u and ur my pride.. kay..i understand the patience u have fer me.. de pain u suffered fer me and enduring everything.. and i am thankful to de pain i have known.. thru tears, it gave me the ability to see dat ur always thea for me..most of all, i am thankful for ur grace.. de solace.. for the provisions.. how u have provided for me in all things..love u stin..

Winter snow is falling down
Children laughing all around
Lights are turning on
Like a fairy tale come true
Sitting by the fire we made
You're the answer when I prayed
I would find someone
And baby I found you

Chorus:
All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
From being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift

Watching as you softly sleep
What I'd give if I could keep
Just this moment

If only time stood still
But the colors fade away
And the years will make us grey
But baby in my eyes
You'll still be beautiful

(chorus)

Chorus:
All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
From being broken apart
You gave your love away
I can't find the words to say
That I'm thankful everyday
For the gift

beautiful disaster...

She loves her mama's lemonade,
Hates the sound that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.
She swears that there's no difference,
Between the lies and compliments.
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,
The pictures that she sees make her cry.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
And she just needs someone to take her home.

She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she'll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfection.

She's not a drama queen,
She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen but tired

She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home.

Cuz she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's ok.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,

But she just needs someone to take her home
And she just needs someone to take her home.

Dear shadow,
if u won't leave me alone it's no surprise dat i'm shrill

but to no avail, u still follow me still...

when sunlight reveals my frown, that only fills it with glee...

yet on a moonlit night, when i curl myself to the notes, u never fails to locate me...

until u appears the only thing that is true

appearing in a flash on any wall within view..

but increasingly i realize that it is pleasing after all

to have such a constant companion, den me recall

dat the only times u have left me alone

have been the darkest times that i have known...

and so it fills me with delight to have u, my shadow about

for it completes my world, without a doubt...

it is never easy to let bygones be bygones...
don't leap, take baby steps..
credit on him, relinquish the bygones, surrender the true u to de spellbinder..
binding u wholeheartedly and loving you with everything he had, he have and he possesses by-and-by....

remember panda, i never regret..
i am lucky to have u..

metamorphosis....

someone who held in my memory told me i am soul-less...
it makes me wonder.. a portion in me tasted it once.. drawn-out once...
i might lie in practicality today... i plan ahead n consider my options to set priorities or define goals that serve my long-term purpose.. my values lay in the potential that often remains unseen by others.. i am cautious and have earned de new trust or position that empowers me. my asset is accepting responsibility...
Or my alter ego revealed as de doubter.. whose superpower to reconsider acts as a beacon to a second chance through soul-searching.. dee truth is out there and so leave room for uncertainty.. isolation without aim, or to avoid or linger among past emotional baggage is to navigate by a sign which obscures validation and burdens perspective... it's all catching up, but results to date r not enough.. today me make time to 'go retro' to assess matters or hedge my bet, n let conscience be my guide... only by illumination of my failures in this personal quest for truth dat i can start to measure success or recognize an opportunity for trusting my heart and stepping back into circulation... lookin at past experience for strength or enlightenment, or suffer in silence, or look for trouble, speculating or wandering in the dark until de chance is lost...

-wretchedness i am-

a morsel of realization...

yawnzzz...
i am feeling so much better today, no more sore throat, no more fever but a slight running-nose..
i have this quaintness in me, the odd feelings.. for the past few nights, i have been wakeful and feeling fidgety... and the most peculiar thing was, de stretch of time was always around 3 to 5..after a sudden awake, i slumber fastly.. it had never come about in mylife before.. maybe i am loading myself with too much of frustrations and distress..

-tears-

Both the man and his beloved were speeding hastily on de road.. while the man was accelerating, the girl told him this : 'if you love me, please slow down...'
in return of the man, he told her : 'if you love me, please put on the helmet...'
at a swift of time, they crashed..
the man died on the spot, whereas the girl outlived... but she was in a deep prolonged unconsciousness... for duration of months...
at god's will, she was awaken.. she was not too sure bout wat happened..
the first wonder in her, was the whereabout of her beloved.. the authorities unveiled the truth to her.. she was left crying in agony..
the reason why the man asked her to put on his head protector, because he knew the break was broken..

i am dashin off to makan..

Exhaustion....

dey... me back...
its been awhile me abandoned moi bloggie..
i'm kinda tired and weak now but i cant reli sleep..
my entire body is achin badly, slight runnin-nose, sore-throat and feverish..i'mma sick cat now..
well, skip dat..
last week, me went to sarawak wid my relatives frm lau beh's side.. it was reli fun..
despite havin tonnes of enjoyment, me wish to be back asap. me wont go much into details.. just some notables one will do..
from L to R - me,popo Lucy, ku kong seng & beloved, ku kong sin, madelline, popo tian, sis hoon, mom and faggot
this is de pic we took at de cultural village in Santubong.. de place was such an exciting blend of events, mother-nature, structures and etc... de typical sarawakians and natives thea were warmhearted but some were shy, especially those penans.. but dey are darn accurate with de blowpipe.. de sprawling expanse of de foothill take in 7 differ ethnic houses and a huge man made lake.. consist of bidayuh, iban, penan, orang ulu, melanau, malays and me aKa chinese.. i wont go precise on dat.. thou de admission fee was a lil costly but it's worth de price..
this is de most unequaled-unrivaled one.. de carvings of de motives round de poles were man-crafted.. moreover, de vibrancy of de colours were prodigious.. de stairs were made of tree trunks.. easy to step up, easy for downslide...
okay, move on...
dis is de pic mom took for me and faggot when we were on de sarawak cruise..de anonymous ones surroundin us were de perfomers.. it was an hour cruise.. where me get to see de mishmash of kuching town, de diversity of it.. de old, remaining ones and de new eras ones.. how i wish him cud be thea at dat moment.. sigh.. but me got to chit chat wid him on de phone at dat moment.. =)
dis is de pic me took at de riverfront.. me just lurve de lightings.. it's so cheery and merry-feelin.. again, me wish him was with me..
de pic we took at Semenggoh- de wildman of Borneo reservoir...
mwahhahahaha... see see!! saw dat... my fwenz.. my primates fwenz.. i wont mind callin dem they.. coz me belongs to their clan.. they are known as de wildman of Borneo.. sucha intelligent tail-less primates.. dey are differ frm my other fwenz, mankey and chimps.. dey lead a mostly solitary existence.. dis is my first encounter with dem.. when they outstreched de arms, dey look huge and bout 5 feet tall or even more den dat.. despite bein weighty, dey are arboreals... dey actually sleep, eat, basically doin their thing up above ground..on trees.. me reli pity dem for loosin their habitats, and f***ing hunters killin dem.. wildmen are not vicious at all if we, humans, dont provoke dem.. it took me bout 30 mins, in and out along de walkin trails... while i was headin out of de reservoir, one of de OU blocked de way and i was asked to stay-put n be real silence.. darn man, i was so scared when they walk passed me.. and dat thing stared at me... phew, luckily things went well..
after dat, we head to de pottery factory.. during de night we went for seafood.. and dis was de pic me took after all of us were stuffed!! de food was savory and toothsome.. look at their faces.. de one at far right, is my lovely popo tian.. she's de coolest & goofy grandma ever.. she's sucha strong and stouthearted one.. years back, she was married to an indian husband where he's a famous heart surgeon back in Terengganu.. after 11 years of marriage, uncle chandran passed away out of de blue coz of heart-attacked.. it was sucha horrorstrucked for popo tian, where dis incident left her benumbed.. but she was blessed with 3 beautiful kids, Carol, Sharon and Adrian.. uncle seng took her along with her kids and migrated to Canada.. well, time is de healing factor..she nearly lost herself.. luckily,she managed to got thru..till now, she remains single.. i miss Tara and Connor, uncle Adrian's young ones.. they're so adorable and beautiful.. maybe by de time me move to toronto, me get to spend time wid dem..
well, back to de sarawak trip... we left around noon and me still remember, while i was rushin to get mom a drink, me called him again.. why lar, why am i so obsessed wid him... while i was on de plane.. mom and i was cam-whorin.. mumzy aged alot.. me kinda worried bout her health.. but me heart her.. i'm nothin without her.. she mould me.. dat's de wrapped-up for last week...

-simm out-