-The trampede-

I was buttoned down by the warden, back to his arms.
I'm back to the little hermitage of panda, the ivory tower where I'm shielded. He is the paladin of the tower, the one who keep the pengda safe.

I found this cool website: www.urbandictionary.com
The words are measureless, sappy and oppidan-tee!!

'twork : When a girl shakes her butt against another girl or a man, pressing frimly.'

'choreplay : When a woman is turned on by the sight of her husband/boyfriend/partner doing regular household chores, that she would normally be doing.'
' cuddlingus : The act of cuddling, spooning, or snuggling. When two or more people lay down in an intertwined fashion.'
'DILLIGAF : Does It Look Like I Give A Fuck!'
'Vajayjay : vagina'
'Leave BRITNEY alone : An exclamation made when your friends or family are teasing you to a point where you can't handle it anymore and a hissy fit is in order.'

It's cool and fetching ey! Imagine that we're actually using the proverbs in our daily dialogue:
I'm just trying to be lame. *since i got nothing better to do.

I love to see the hootie momma tworking her thang at his eggplant.

Darling, I'm having a choreplay now. Would you PLEASE me. The arousing within is too sensational.

Pengda, i want cuddlingus!!
DILLIGAF, you whore!!

She brazilian waxed her vajayjay

Mr.J : Eh, mahai..it's unethical for you to play like that lar. You fucking keep the chips in..
Mr.V : ............... *depressed within, malu within,
Mr.J : You fucking take your money and fucking go home now.
Mr.V : Ok, Fine.. You change..I go home lar.. *saving face, beh tahan edi
Mr.J : Leave now..
Mr. V : ........... Leave BRITNEY alone!!

The other day, I was reading Tuesdays with Morrie again. I can't help but to boohoo again. I am a blardy tear-jerky. I found this primo bookmark.

The other day, i was taking a panoramic picturesque. I wanted to upload it, but I don't want the warden to unleash his mana on me.

The other day, I was having lunch with Mr.Ribaldry, Ms. E and the others. I can't stand but to laugh hideously when he revealed the cockles of his heart. He is scared of ghost and bogy films, he loves romantic runs, he love the extra chases and yada yada..

The other day, I was 'fat hau-ing'.

The other day, I was 'so hai-ing'

-the end of the Gobbledygook Pathfinder-

-Plain white bread-

tic toc...tic toc..

Here I am, stoning... shilly-shallying about the undone. My assignment will be due on Monday and I haven’t started a scratch of it. All I need, is just a solid one, a solid idea.

Yesterday night, we had poker session again at his house. But this time, I’m staking mahjong instead of poker. Well, I really pity Lyd’s boo because he was so drained but yet, he was teman-ing her. A copacetic boyfriend who’s hunky-dory and amiable where it is uncommon for dulios nowadays. A picture I took when it’s eventide.

I bought a new sling bag at Kipling and finally, I got the 'mankey'!!. Later on, the warden took the succulent one to the ice-cream parlor.

Last Tuesday, we poker again at Good Looking man’s crib. Though I lost, but the warden covered up for my losses. The stakes ended up early and we head on to Williams for nim teh session. There I am, forsaken by the warden and left solely whereas he was with his cronies. panda ‘cham’..panda ‘hou cham’.. Luckily, they were there to teman me.

The moonstruck!

I am kinda hooked on to those stimulating, aromatic beverage prepared from those roasted ground beanlike seeds, the dark brown ones. Those which gives me an adrenaline rush and makes me agog and barbaric. I went there twice, once with faggot and the other time with Marky and i bumped into Kev again.

Few days back, me and evon was having a garrulous chat over the complications that she was facing. This smarty pants thought her about the 'Han King'...mwahahaha.. All I can do for you, is to listen when you need someone and bolster you when you need solace.
Later on, me went for BananaLeaf rice with him and the dulios. For the first time, me tasted gudang garam..Eeeewww, it was grody!!. The panda don't like it.

I am gradually unfolding the inner strength within me and convalescing from the dolorousness of the soul. I am a lone soul, slowly embracing the brass tacks of realism and often vicissitudes. Tenacious I am but I am maturing with the parallel of time, developing the horse sense and cultivating myself with perspicacity and pansophy.


Recently, I am lettering poetries.. stanzas to odes, odes to poesy. dum dum dee da dum.. =). Gonna post it when its done.
Recently, I am planning a trip off to Pulau with Lyd and Mr.Nice Guy but we need to check the price first. I'll be taking a trip back to KT, so I'll be checking out the pricing and all.
Recently, I am making use of the planner and its so handy. I know I'm a little TerBantut in all this thingy.

Tiba-tiba pula hari itu, dik ku yang montel memintaku ajar dia Akaun. Inilah masalah yang aku hadapi. Dah lama aku tak berfasih dalam bahasa Malaysia. Memenatkan aku sahaja menterjemahkan semua perkataan. Cis, bedebah.. komplikasi betul.. Oh Fuck, i sound so crappy.

Recently, I've been taking medication and it's fatiguing me.
For now, I am dashing off for dinner.

-Influx of Vivification-

I didn’t update my blog for quite awhile.
Well, I’m simply checking out the courses online;
Uni of British Columbia – B Com (Accounting)
Uni of Toronto – Com and Acc
The exchange rate now is 3.xxx and the fees are almost 30k per year and this doesn’t include the miscellanies, this will be heavyset. Okay, for this moment the woman is having a complete surrender of inhibitions, so F*** it coz this woman should be haranguing pompously about herself. She can’t be lacerated coz she is safe in the warden’s existence and this is MY rant.

For the past weekend, I was a little busy indulging myself with self-pityNESS.
These are the proceedings of my stint.

• On Monday, I went to M.V with Marky and the warden for movie, so we watched 10,000 BC. Thou both of them were reprobating about the denouement of cheapo plot, the panda like it.
• Me went to M.V with brother for makan. We went for a drink at Alexis bar and head on to Starbucks. I turbulently tromp his ego and consciousness again, but it's for your own good Mr. hang Tough. After all the prattling, we went for window shopping. Both twiddler went monkeying around with Fashionizta =)
• 
• I am cluttered all around coz I am engaged in Cap hunt. I really wanted to get a cap for him badly. Oh yea, and the lazyMANshoe.
  
• Bumped into the Misters, km and mh. Yat sms-ed for a yamcha session with those long lost ones. In the end, i terFFK and terMIA.
• Supposed to go yamcha, then saw Mr. F
• Having a parley with Mr.Stone (i do take you seriously). Well, he is gushy when he's awaken and mawkish when he's touched. Oh yea, we POKER too!!
• Absent for classes oftentimes.
• Went poker at Lyd's Frenzy crib and I won!!. This is Lyd's adorable one :
• The warden and I was having a spat over the 'LelakiHitam'. It's kinda cute to see the huffy face of the warden but he ain't choleric coz he has plenty of forbearance for the panda. =)
• My new attachment, AI7. I can't help but flabbergasted by Archuletta. He is so endowed.
• Wayne and Shaz was playing poker with us today. Just stop the bamboozlement Mr.V.
  Later on, went for TFF with Marky and the warden.
• On Monday night, the succulent panda is safe in the warden's custody. Can't help but love to provoke and irritate the one. mwah!! He's in the Tormented-Race, coz the succulent one wanted him to end it.
• POKER and POKER again. The first night, Mr.s and his chums came, and the crony was defeated. Everyone was jolty startled coz the warden releases his mana on the ostentatious one. Baby, you are my HERO!! mwah.. It was totally ownaged!!
• Then poker again with R4 and Chee tagging along and a few more fellas.
  
• The dulios got themselves their new gadget and the panda was tasting a little portion of it. Me and dulio pawned one another with cheapo shots in VF, but it was fun.
  

Recently, I've been checking out the new Magic Show run by Genting. My keenness caught the attention of mine to the White Lion and the White Tiger. I wanted to watch it badly.

I took a random test and this the outcome.. I'm the Artist..

The Artist
You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).
You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children.
Simply put, you enjoy beauty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.
Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.

In love, you are quiet and sweet yet very passionate. You love easily.
You have an underlying love for all living things, and it's easy for you to accept someone into your heart.

At work, you do best in an unconventional position. You express yourself well and can work with almost anyone.
You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

How you see yourself: Sympathetic, kind, and communicative

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Incompetent, insecure, and overly sensitive

Recently, I'm kinda emo.
Recently, I've been thinking less.
Recently, I felt that I was blind till, Recently. I was blind to see the love, effort and patience of him towards me. And my heart aches within. I will never trade your for anything and I love you so much.
Thank you panda wanda for the 'Butwerfwy'.. You are always my pride, my soul appetizer. My days will never be complete without you, and so as mylife. You complete me. I'll be your keeper, to keep you safe in my arms as well, my warden.
-mwah-

-Withstand the twinging-

I am fittingly ailed and ill lately but I wanted to share the twinge within me.

I am weak, I am weak. I always fail you my soul. I really hope that someone, whoever, will guard me, protect me, shield me. I am dying within, collisions all around me.

I am scared, I am scared. Please tell me where do I belong? I thought I’m safe. I thought I am sheltered. The warden awakes me, he told me it was a foolish dream you fantasized. It was never true; he told me I am Ingénue, a naïve one who never grasp the meaning of life.

I never wanted, I never wanted to be your life. The inside of me knew I will never fit. An unimportant one like me, never hope for more but to be a little something, anything will do.

I stray, I stray here and there, everywhere, everyplace just to look for a shelter. Once the warden told me that I belong here, I will be only safe here, the only place where I can retreat. Foolish soul I am and yet, I never regret.

There I look, There I look at others, I bleed within me and yet, I still stay put. I refused to go, I refused to give up. My tiny hands are bleeding; full of scars around me, scared and cold I am within. I still hang on. The wounds of the scars are bleeding.

I feel the pain, I feel the pain. Absurdity you might felt, but these little hands of mine are small, but they aren’t weak. Foolishness you might felt, but I believe in my fantasies. Senseless you might felt, I adore, I heart, I remember, I miss, I love, I care and I believe in you.
As inky the road ahead nor pitch dark, I will walk through with you. I will lighten up your saddened days, I will be your strength. It's okay for you to be selfish and self-centered because I will be your shield.

-Leap-

Do you want me? What's the matter?
You're afraid some door will close?
You want the scent without the rose?
The moans of love without the chatter?

You think our love might be a tomb,
The only exit through my pain?
You'd rather put things off again
To give your fantasies some room?

You think: she's great, but in a while
I might get bored? Or something better,
Filling out a tighter sweater,
Might flash me a quick come-on smile?

You don't want to be tied just yet
To just one future, just one kiss?
You think about all you might miss
And hold out for a better bet?

Well, fine! But then why do you haunt
Me like a jackal night and day?
Why, when my interest seems to stray,
Are you so sure of what you want?

Why, when I dare so much as laugh
At some guy's jokes, you go ballistic,
Nasty, borderline sadistic,
As if somebody touched your stuff?

And yet when I hook on to you,
You will not let yourself be mine,
Take out your fears and draw a line
Between what you and I can do?

But freedom must be mutual,
And it takes two for one embrace.
You can't both love and freedom chase,
Love me, Shield me..

I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common human with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough. You don’t realize how much you care about someone until they don’t care about you.

In a perfect world, when he's with her, he would be wishing he was with me; when he looked at her, he would be looking at me; when he smiled at her, his smile would be for me; when he thought about someone, he would be thinking about me. In a perfect world, he would realize that she wasn't the one he was supposed to be with and I would still be standing here waiting for him. Still when he finally knows this. But this isn't a perfect world and people do get hurt; you smile when you feel like crying; you act like you're okay when you're falling apart inside and you let it go. You move on, because there's nothing else you can do.

-The ones-

-Dewy-

As time goes by, I am getting more cognizant about the incontrovertibly of familiarities ones tasted. All the semblances of the barest traces are showing its whiskers and beneath are thorniness, where the soul within forebode trepidation and jitters unleashes. Atrociousness you taste within, the beautiful Waltz became a Macabre. No wonder the morning lost its dew and sunlight.
Here I ought..
Here I wonder..

-Today, today, today-

Mom woke me up early in the morning and we went for Dim Sum and later on, we dropped by at Grandpa’s place.

-Ka Chak!! the Shutterbug aka Mumzy.. Snapping my Panda face.. Snapped!-

-Grandpa Berposing-

-This archaic vintage calender is so antiquated-

A little something to share

-SO SMALL-

What you got if you ain't got love
The kind that you just want to give away
It's ok to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
And when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem
So small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole
While you're sitting around thinking about what you can't change
[So Small lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]


And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count cause you can't get it back
Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, and when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem
So small, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
And then you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Oh, it sure makes everything else seem
So small

-Run-of-the-mill-

Today was ordinary..
Nothing smashing happened today, whereas things seem to be ordinary.
I went to Uni today to check out the slots for the new timetable and this damn docket line-up thingy causes chaos to my peanut brain. After that, I went to MV with him and Marky and we took KFC for lunch. After stuffing up ourselves, we poker again!
Perhaps, I'm having a really nice hand today and a little of fortunateness..It's LadyLuck babeh.. Moreover, Mr. Ace and I made a nice duo =)
Later on, me went home and slept.
And it's almost 2 now and at this twilight hour, I'll be chilling in my crib.
I am still trying hard to log into e-learning , so F*** that!!

I am kinda delighted in reading now (since I'd been slothful lately). Lions in Winter caught my panda eyes even though this is not a top-notch one because the author's surname is 'Poon', Wena Poon. Her stories are about the hear and now about Asians yearning to belong in a place made foreign by time or space, and the rich inner lives of individuals who form part of the kaleidoscopic modern history of Asian migration.
Those who like action, Robert Ludlum is back with The Bourne Betrayal. But I made my decision to stick on to The Good Guy by Dean Koontz, a lil touch of thriller and mystery makes a perfect blend.

While I am busy checking out new underground artiste and talking to Mr.Stoned, I found out that my sis is featured in Marie Claire this month, under the career section. Basically the editors interviewed her about her hectic life where she's positioned as a Marketing & Communications Manager. Well, all the best to her.

-Direly Vexatious-

YES, I am demented and a lil of psychotic as well..
Blardy hell, I'm like a raging bull now.. I so pissed off now..

The Reason
All the staffs in my Uni are utterly foolish and idiotic. The desk front Matrons who stick their ass on the chair the whole day, doing nothing but painting layers of Nippon-WeatherShield-Paint on their faces are those who only move around when Mother Nature calls. Whereas, the Blockheads are the incumbents who parade themselves around and their leisure was to find fault with the students, censuring us so that some dork will wipe their ding dongs till its sheen and glossed. Turn the head to the hypnotizer now, the mental defective ones from all the aspects and they are the Dullards. Konon-Nya, their tittles are even lengthier than the toilet rolls. My say for their MBA is actually an Honour for them because the initials spell out as MentalityBelowAverage. Pair them well. One website to wrap them all ; www.boobtube.com (since youtube is flourished with viewers and $$$). They might be the topflight when THEY, themselves cast a series tittled, 'The IdiotBox Squatters'.

Well, pardon me for my berserk-Ness..
Yesterday, I went to CenterPoint with Lydia and Marky for lunch. The food was so so but the best part was, Poker.. Shit lar, it's so addictive

-a glimpse of it, '*pictures are deceiving' -.- -

I am being a good girl the other night, because i slept early =)
And today, me, Lydia and him went to Ali Maju for breakfast. Guess what I found to entertain myself.. wink* it's Chikuwa aka Siu Keung. I trapped that perky lil pesticide inside a battery case and the fun part was, he was afraid. Tee hee.. Before Mark came, there She goes again. The Sex Goddess aka Lydia, was preaching us about the MIGHT-IES of mankind.. Later on, we went to Starbucks and poker. Well, me watched Good Luck Chuck and me lyk it. Dane Cook was cool and uproarious .(include de F****** part) .
The reason why I'm a lil pissed today is because of the stupid e-learning site and the screwed-up timetable. Put that aside.. Now I am listening to Xin Wo and chilling, while talking to Mark, Evon and someone else.. Oh yea, my new FETISH.. =)

-Peculiarity of Personage-

Over time, different situations bring out different personalities in us. There are different dimensions to a personality but they are still you and they help us to survive.

The Nurturer
You know when a pal callas crying over some boy, and you offer your best heart-mending advice? This is your inner nurturer coming out. "The nurturer is a caring, comforting, gentle and compassionate individual". She comes out when your friend of partner has had a bad day. Her role is in looking after you too; it's the nurturer who silences your inner critic and allows you to chill out on rough days. However, our nurturing side can become draining if we don't pull the reigns when it comes to self-nurturing. We don't want to feel too sorry for ourselves or else, we will dig an emotional hole. Acknowledge the emotion, to get our mind right back on track.
The Motivator
At times, people might just sough "I'm so unmotivated" when they face difficulties. Everyone has an inner motivator and it speaks up when you get excited about a new idea. It's always there, but sometimes the lazy, childlike thoughts override it. Be aware of your motivating voice; if the lazy nullifies it, listen to what both have to say. The lazy side is always looking for reasons why. Why should I listen? Why should I work out? Why must I talk to dad? When you're in control of the motivator, you haul in the other inner personas for back-up. So, we must identify the positive and tell yourself to work out (because me will look hot).
The Inner Critic
Focusing too much on the motivator, the inner critic will rear its ugly head. It is the cause of guilt-addiction and is a real problem for most people. "Guilt and inner criticism are like chocolate cake where it's good within limits, but don't gorge on it. The inner critic is great for checking in on our conscience. To manage your inner critic, is to ask it loads of questions - Do I feel bad because I've hurt or inconvenienced someone? Or is it just because the rules I've imposed on myself are too unrealistic? Hear out the guilty voice, it expresses and unrecognized need. Then based on what you're trying to fulfill by feeling guilty, hence, bring in a more appropriate voice like the nurturer.
The Empathetic Ear
We embody the empathetic ear when someone we care about is going through a rough patch. Unlike the nurturer, the empathetic ear listens with kindness and compassion. We are often too quick to provide advice, so the empathetic ear provides an avenue to vent. But beware you don't wind up playing Agony Dulio constantly. Once a tensed situation is calm, it's helpful to switch over to the motivator. Without this shift in energy, you can exacerbate the problem and unconsciously turn into a rescuer. A rescuer seeks out dependent relationships for validation, so they constantly feel needed and never actually have any intention of fixing the problem.
The Party Animal
The party animal is the fun-loving, carefree self. She's charismatic - the one who comes out at a party or when making friends. "However, places like a boyfriend's parents' house is not the areas to bring out the party animal, even if it's how we're used to getting attention." The party animal and the motivator, surprisingly, work well together to keep you enjoying life. Use their best traits, such as their sense of humour of conversational ability.
The Pleaser
Pleasing people has become a normal part of life where we often do things for others to make them happy. While satisfying the people you love has its place. "The pleaser is a personality type that our society has allowed us to run rampant with because we think it'll gives us respect and approval." It's great to want to make people happy but make sure you aren't sacrificing too much or you'll end up full of resentment.
The Multi-Tasker
Our list of things to do in life is never-ending. While multi-tasking is a great way to get loads of things done in less time. Instead of a half-baked 20 minutes chat with your BF while doing your assignment, give all your attention to him for 5 minutes. "When you loosely concentrate on two things at once, you're spilling energy because you're not focusing and the jobs are only being half done."
The Anger-Monger
When you yell at the dog or fight with your boyfriend, this is the angermonger coming out, and there's one inside all of us worth acknowledging. "If you don't express it, there's a risk of winding up numb, and have the feelings surface in different ways such as fatigue." Anger is only appropriate some of the time, and if you're finding your firey side is exploding too often, find a release mechanism, such as a thorough session with a punching bag. (not boyfriend, woman)
The Child
The inner child helps us get in touch with our emotion, but there's a difference between childish and childlike. "Childish behavior can be interpreted as manipulative, like using baby voice to make a man powerful, but childlike behavior is liberating." Children are connected to their emotions, and exude a younger essence which is innocent and gentle. Being childish is like putting on a mask, whereas being childlike is stripping all of that away and just being yourself.

-Desultory deed-

yawnz...
it's pretty cooling tonight, i'm feeling the onshore breeze-like running through my skin.
i am currently listening to When you say nothing at all by Alison Krause and Ronan Keating..
well, me went poker on Friday at Lydia' frenzy place and i lost 60 bucks.. but I'm very well with loosing because i ain't a profligately anti-doomed looser who can't be sunk. i do feel that its all depends on fortuity.

i'm watching Grey's Anatomy now and there are more backbiting and scandals going on. Izzie slept with George!!, Grey and Derek were together? how bout Lexy? (he's hot).

i feel real bad, for teaching faggot Texas Hold'em.. and now, he's sorta nutty about it. he was yelling, laughing ludicrously bout the fellas and yada yada. sigh, i'm so gonna get it from mom, sooner or later. *yay! he won the tourney.. smooches to munchy..

well, mom got me a pajamas which is red in colour and full of Frosty snowman prints. me kinda like it, makes feel like a mollycoddle who's spoiled and babyish. oh yea, i got a new towel, with bright red mushroom prints.. maybe he is right, i'm sucha panda.

Lately, I am

• having breakouts due to P
• having finger nails, as in growing it and stop gnawing
• feeling lighthearted and happy
• feeling loved and pampered
• stronger and chaotic
• playing poker
• reading again

mom woke me up today, and for the first time, i ate wanton noodles with abalone.. -.-
one word fer me, 'bei'. while savoring, i was watching Lydia's last farewell and i was a lil teary. people crying, woe and agony clouded the atmosphere.. well, R.I.P Lydia Sum with all my deepest condolence. Later on, me went to Parkson to grab stationaries and groceries.
guess what baby, i took Mcflurry again. i just can't wait to see your face.

-The Narrator-

There are a lot of written stories. Some are made known, some are untold.

As for mine, it is esoteric and inscrutable. Everyone wanted a perfect ending, but yet I understand that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories are not clear-cut, with unmarred beginning and ending. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. My eyes are blearily clouded by the unfamiliarity, not knowing what is up forth, not knowing when the ending chapter will unfold. Those times of depression tell you that it’s either time to get out of the story your in and move into a new story, or that you’re in the right story but there’s some piece of it you are not living out. I have chosen mine, without discontentment, without wavering and lastly, without looking back. Clearly within me, my soul is bounded with it and it seems like a familiarity of fondness I tasted before. I know the sentences will never be complete without the significant one and it will only be an abysmal performance without him.

As life goes on, I understand that stories are not made out of Fantasies, where there are elves, trolls, magic and dragons. As I walk on, I stumble upon Poetries and it is not all about daffodils, starry-eyed or navel contemplation. The road may it be taken or take by me is less traveled, but I will write my own story even though the little green men will barricade my way.

panda

When his soul first came to me

He showed me the beauty of fantasies

He is my life, my destiny

Living with his soul is nothing else but everything

How can I ever find a replacement if he leaves

How beautiful the shining light if the sunrise

And the amazing shadows of the sunset

Angel as he gazes into my eyes, the reflection I see

In his eyes its shows me the softness he has for me

How can he live in obliging me?

When insanity has overruled me

The brightness of this world will be overshadowed

By the darkness if my shredded tears

That will overflow the entire land of paradise

Realizing that it will cost a price

I need sunshine in my day

Something to wash away the pain

I saw a very gentle side of him

That took my heart and made it sing

I wish he’d run away and hide with me

Love is so much more than it seems

There is one thing I didn’t show

I love him more than my soul

I wonder if I’ll ever see the day

Will I ever find the nerve to say I love him?

And will he turn around, walk away, will he leave or will he stay

Could he be the one charmed by me?

If I tell him

a poem by Natasha Hudson

-It's been awhile-

it's been awhile..
awhile since i share my thoughts with you, within this space, my soul.. about the veracities of what lies beneath this mortal.. within a clandestine, which only speaks to the one who fathoms..

i'm back to my room, sniffing my bed all over..looking at the placement of every single little thing, somehow make me feel i'm back to my confinement, my sanctuary. the smell of April, the little spaces, the tousle of belongings and etc.. it seems that i've peregrinated, till i lost these lil feelings.
de facto, i'm not in a good state these few days and i'm showing signs of migraine again. maybe there are too many extraneous stuffs in my diminutive brain. i hate all these in me, the emotional collapse really lead me to a nervous exhaustion..am i such a fiasco? who is nothing but a devastation. dear soul, be my quarterback, for a game which i lost all the senses of mine.

i really wanted to share the happenings of mine, but i seem to be tight-lipped. i am condemned with ruthfulness but not wrathfulness and i've been such a tear-jerk lately.
i watched JUNO the other day, storyline was simple but yet, i like the movie. Ellen's acting was pretty good for a new comer. the character she portrayed, reflected me in a lot of things. i would really like to reflect myself through the mirror in every deed of mine. the play-act through the journey of my life was never about me, the protagonist was never mine to lead. but yet, when he asked me a question that day, 'from scale of 1-10, how 'cham' i am?'.. i told him, 'Zero'. i will keep the reason to myself.
well, i was with him the past few days. and we went for karaoke session yesterday with daniel and elaine, since i've finished my paper. we were butchering the songs towards the end. ahaks..

A little something to share...
all the pics are random..

A beautiful gift that i treasure and something that SHE deserves. Despite the mishaps of the night, i am still proud of her and she is more than what she is. I am dishearten enough, and so does SHE. the soul within, please show your audacity and stand strong with me. i know you will never let me down and stray.

the lanterns at Tean Hou temple. i went there for Fatman steamboat. i crave for junkies all the time, especially lok lok. mmmm.. My pride aka Mumzy and me

-Picture Courtesy of Nicole-

Nicole and me

the HELP gang, the HOT bitches. i was pretty tipsy that day and thanks to Meng for that. oh yea, i think i did talked to yan as well. do i? hmmzzz..
CJ, lotsa coincident and he was pretty cool. all this while, we're classmates and we do sit next to one another. and my beloved (behind), butchering all the songs that was on the list.
this picture is kinda random and i sorta lyk it.

i am sorta 'bei' and being an echoic, mimicking zy's mom. i am fine being in stage-play.. that night, i really gulped tonnes of liquors. surprisingly, my alcohol tolerance was kinda topsy.

me took it early in the morn at his place, the dawn, where the daylight begins. thanks to you, now i am having a poker fever. the anxiety arousing within. slowly, its gonna be a poker-malady for me.

this all for this time..
alot more for me to update but the night is getting weary.

-Forsaken Days-

i am pretty busy last 2 weeks.. perhaps i am engaging myself in too much activities.. endless of soireeS, catch-upS, munchieS, drop-byS, alcoholS n yada yadaS..
i will upload de photos soon.. and de hapS..

well, Happy CNY.. *tardily* =)
may it be a great year fer everyone, in all de aspects.. venturing business, health, luck, relationship and etc.. oh yea, for de bettors and gamblers, may all wealth pourin in to you..
i am still on holz.. *unofficially..
i'm havin a junkie-ingestion durin CNY, especially durin house visitin.. i reli need to cut down a lil.. mom and de few ones are worried bout my health.. yes, a weakling i am, but ain't puny..
V day was great.. i'm not gonna say anythin much.. me will post it de next time..

for today, i went back to coll..
as usual, Starbucks fer breakfast.. *the extra shot of expresso reli gave me an adrenaline rush..
he came, den lydia n followed by Marky.. we were playing Bluff.. it was damn farny.. we're all humbuggers, fooling one another.. blardy hell, how many cards were there in de deck of cards we took out today.. after dat, we went fer Cyber-Chickay at HP building..
i think i saw BKB, but i hope he GRASP it.. sorry for all de letdownS..
might be havin drinkin session n B.Ball.. well, it depends.. ok,move on...
i'm kinda addicted to my new playlist, me added a few:

Band of Horses, Buckcherry, City and Colour, Five Time August, Sunfall Festival, Kate Voegele, KT Tunstall, Leona Lewis, Lit, Lustral, Matt Wertz, Pixies, Push Play, Renee Cassar, Slightly Stoopid, Sunblock, Taylor Swift, The Maine, The Scene Aesthetic, Vampire Weekend n more.. *just to name a few

i'm wrappin it up with these lil words

Music is my only hope
My refuge
My Asylum
My salvation
My best way to cope
Music tranquilize my soul
Music lifts me
Music doesn't pretend
Music whisper to my soul
And it tickle my soul
Dancing with the notes and the melodious tune
There I sway, there I prance
Straight out of the canard
Out of the fiction-hood

-nighty nights-

-One Fine Day-

good day!
i woke up kinda late today..
i went to Parkson with mumzy to stock up junkies n drinkos fer CNY..
and i had my dinner at Vietnamese kitchen, and i ordered a French cuisine.. it was ok and i am glad dat i did spend some quality time with her..
this is wat i've ordered..

it was kinda tiring stockin up those thingy and loading it.. my backbone still aches..
came home, rest fer awhile.. helped mom out with chores.. an AI session.. n bloggin now =)
well, i deleted my music album..
and now, i am sorta listening to these few :

Kate Nash
Quiet Riot
Sunblock
Feist
Shayne Ward (surprisingly, he did a good job with his new album)
Bic Runga (as usual)
The Wallflowers
Lost Prophets
Hillsong
& those O.T.F

few things are juggling in my mind now..
well, when it comes to future, there are 3 kinds of people.. hence, those who let it happen, those who make it happen and those who wonder what happened.. where do i fit then? i am always heedless..
the society nowadays is under de burden of juvenile folly and ignorant superstition.. newspaper is full of fanciful make-ups n all are adopted ones frm those humbugIES.. so SICK of it..
somebody told me, you have to love what you do, but that's not necessarily true.. what is true is dat you have to love the opportunity..the opportunity to build life, future, health, success n fortune. knockin on someone's door may not be something you love to do, but you love de opportunity of what might be behind that door.. but yet, in life.. how many times de odds are provided and chances fer u to venture..

Of course my moods change, but de average is serenity. i have a firm faith in art, a firm confidence in its being a powerful stream which carries a man to a harbour, though he himself must do his bit too and at all events, i think it such a great blessing when a man has found his work that i cannot count myself among the unfortunate.. i mean, i may be in certain relatively great difficulties, and there may be gloomy days in my life, but i shouldn't like to be counted among the unfortunate, nor would it be correct if i were..

-sleep tight-

see u tomorrow, pan..

-Amelioration-

To me, photography is an art of observation. it's about finding something interesting in an ordinary place... i've found it has little to do with the things you see and everything to do with the way you see them.

i feel a lil better today..
but i am still kinda stoned and yet i am a lil sluggish..
it seems hard for my mind to digest any information i perceive..
i woke up kinda late today and i went to coffee bean with mark..
i went through the revision questions with all my might and main, and yet it was useless..
i'm slow pacing in time and incapable of it..
my tears were soaking de papers.. and yet, i am still helpless..
i went down for a break and i met Kev..

i sat down and we had a conversation.. and it lasted for hours..
we were talkin bout life, people, interest and etc..
i'm thankful fer de heartening and encouraging words..
i'm thankful fer seeing de good in me, which is resided in my soul..
i'm still amending all de 'ties' in my life, and yet i am always wat i am..
life affords no higher pressure than that of surmounting difficulties, passing on one step of success to another, forming new wishes and seeing them gratified..

oh yea, thanks to Za for encouraging me..
nevertheless, you also Mark..

-The Aurora-

it's beautiful, captivating and bewitching at de same time..
an optimist is a person who sees only de lights in de picture, whereas a pessimist sees only de shadows..
an idealist, however, is one who sees de light n the shadows, but in addition sees something else which is the possibility of changing the picture, of making de lights prevail over the shadows..

i wish dat i can have a smile where angels envy..

and a love where cupid covet..
i hope dat my inner light will shine one day, enlivening de dimness around me..

-Temperamental-

i am still sick..
i am pretty worried bout de up coming paper..
i was admitted to T.D.M.C due to high fever (39.6 d.C), and i was given a jab.. it wasn't painful just dat i don't like it.. the settings n dat place reminded me of grandma..she was there before..when she was still alive..
i recall...i remember..i used to be there, comforting her..allaying her tension..being a jokester, tryin to brighten up her day a lil..
i do miss her.. =)
after days of medication, finally i'm slightly better..
my eyes are still watery, running nose and cough..
it makes me frail..lotsa things i wanted to do but i cant..
for days, i've been stuffing myself with bread..and plain water...
'*finger crossed* pls, let me recover soon, a rapid recuperation pls!!, i need it badly..'

these few days, i am acting kinda nonchalant..
i'm acting kinda cool, seeming to be unconcerned bout de things around me.. maybe my body is failin me frm doing so..
i am being forced to drink de rhinoHORN water...
oh fever, it seems dat we've created a bond between us.. i ain't a lodging spot for u.. so pls be kind to me..
i wish dat he's here, but yet i dont want to..
coz i dont wanna be a burden fer him..
well, i do miss him alot..

my senses is wearing thin n my mind is kinda blank..
i need to rest again..
all de best fer me then...

-the little things-

i dunno why but i just love de phrase 'Coat it Lily-White'..
it seems to be something significant to me.. reminded me of a sang-froid milieu, perhaps the feeling of free from agitation.. de feelin of emptiness creeps in..
well, i am kinda ill now..
i'm havin a bad throat infection, running-nose, dry cough, fever, food poisonin, stomach ache and breath difficulty now.. hopefully, i will recover soon enuff.. exam is on next wednesday..gotta buckle up a.s.a.p.

i am getting a lil slothful nowadays, guess i'm officially a bum now..
well, noting myself a check list ere :

• i went to Genting again with him, yrag and aunt. aunt went for JC's concert. while him, yrag and me walked around.. oh yea, we went to de ice world..it was -16 d.C, i was shivering like shyt.. and i hurt my back, it aches badly..thou it was kinda icy and wintry inside, i like it alot..especially the 'fight' between me and Rag..thou he's kinda annoying, but i do like him..

• i did something kinda over de top, well for my old ones, its an exorbitant thingy dat i shudnt do without gettin their consent.. watever it is, me lyk it and panda lurves it.. me cut my hair and me dyed it.. blueblack, blondeeee n brown..

gosh, i do look sick...

• 

couple of days before, there were lotsa mishaps.. but i'm gonna endure it.. coz i aint a lil moppet anymore..
well, night is gettin weary and it's darn hard fer me to breathe now..
i need a good rest tonight..

-oyasumi-

Irrevocability of the act

life is a chance to grow a soul, and the chance is for the soul to live a life..
the cries of pain reverberated in my heart, i long to alleviate the pain YOU bear..
i wish to provide a shelter, which is robustly build..
my candle burns at both ends, and i cant last even for an hour, moreover for a day? weeks? years? for a lifetime?
the occurrence of certain consequences is like a self-destruction to my soul..

"Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of life."

-Maureen Hawkins-

my dedication to YOU..

don't worry YOU, i'll take away the woe, the pain, the suffering and the sin..
the reason why, lies beneath the soul within me..

my precious YOU..
i awe within, the looks u inherit..
i awe within, the joy and relish..
i awe within, i awe within.. your existence.. your presence..
heart YOU..

-W l .NIVAG-

Here-to-fore

it's been quite sometime..
i'm kinda tightlipped..
i'm suppressed with inarticulate sorrow..
but there's something i wud like to share..heretofore bygones of TODAY..

Genting..-lights-

-Marky--de fogginess-

The structures..

• taken at Putrajaya
  

• taken at Segi College

Randomness..

• my famlay.. a random candid shot taken during Andy's big 21
  

• bowling at MV.. ( Chicken Queen, Prince Lim and Stoner )

i'm kinda scared..
clutter within, thorn within, tears gushing...

Placidity of the Pathfinder

I've been counting the days on the calendar, time do pass me by..
time cools, time clarifies.. no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. past, present, it's just all arbitrary.

Adieu 2007 & Greetings 2008!

The night before saluting 2008, it was ordinary, but i'm happy and chock-fulled of blissfulness. he was there with me thru out de whole night and dat was what matters most to me, his hereness. the day is never gratifying without his presence. de morning kudow, de osculations, smooches & pillow fighto! its like a garden of flowers that were kissed by dew.. a consummate of happiness within the soul. me heart =)
But den, my soul,
You were there, residing at de corner of despair. the forlornness of the bygones chronicles struck you. u make me proud,u mustered all de strength within u and stomp thru. Clutching the past so tightly to your chest will leaves ur arms too full to embrace the present. like what Oscar Wilde quoted, "every saint has a past and every sinner has a future". attitude n wat u are within is de impact in life. its more important than facts..more important than de past, de education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. F*** those gossip mongers. for now, i have more to worry.. need to take great care of myself. my soul within, u have an innate capability where no one else possess..so hang in thea!

-took it while i was on de way home-

The first week of 2008 is ending soon and these are de highlights of it :
On wed, i went for a drink with Sam at MV just to catch up and i am glad dat everyone is doin well. and i was thinkin and considering bout de jobs he told me bout.. hmmzz..
Well, de next day, i went to MV again to catch up with Olivia and we had a 'H2H' chat. Sorry Oli's darling fer abiding the gabfest of two loquacious 'women'.. yoda yoda*
Although now, i am confronted by lotsa perplexities, asperities, difficulties and all de ties* but i know, he's there to pull me thru.. don't worry, i'll be fine baybIES.. =)
Oh yea, i went for a movie with him and his mates. we watched The House and its also known as BAN~PEE~SINK. well, i saw this on de net.. thou there were lotsa shoddy and cheappo tricks, but this movie was based on a true story.. *gulped..
neways, i'm havin my fruit and prawn salad now.. its sucha delicacy..
Oh yea, today i went to Tai Sui temple for praying.

-since 1870 till now-

-de altars -

-de wood carvings. distinctively unique-
the architecture of de edifice are made of woods, based on ancient chinese wooden architecture. de woods are interlocked together without using any nails.

-de roof and windows-

-faggot and me camwhorin-

after praying, we went fer makan at petaling street and de food they served at de corner shop was reli nice.. and bee promised to bring me thea, ONE DAY..
after a tiring morning, he came.. he's my shepherd.. shoo shoo de bunny..
lil bunny hop back to de burrow.. =)

-oyasumi-